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The Prophet & Moderator

Registered: 06-2007
Posts: 5959
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Higgs Boson Production Theory


Higgs Boson Production Theory

Eddie McCleister was attempting to write a scientific paper. His manuscript disrupted the fabric of the universe and instilled curious properties into the objects that surrounded him.

In his paper, Eddie postulated a way to generate a large number of time travelling particles. (Three years later, these particles would once again be postulated and they would eventually be named Higgs bosons. It has been suggested by reputable physicists that this sort of thing could happen to prevent sending large numbers of Higgs bosons back in time. The mechanics of it is actually fairly well understood: Did a Time-Traveling Bird Sabotage the Collider?.) If Eddie's paper had been published, the inevitable slew of experiments would have created paradoxes. The universe prevented these paradoxes by editing out every trace of Eddie, including his manuscript.

The powers imparted to the objects are a continuation of the process of the universe righting itself. The powers will persist until the objects are all returned to the room and collectively ejected from existence. It is merely a case of something absurd occurring in order to prevent a critical value of absurd paradoxes.

In the process of editing Eddie and his manuscript out of existence, the universe behaved sort of like a Tower of Hanoi puzzle. With a Tower of Hanoi puzzle, you can't just move every disk where you want it. You have to first move some of them to the wrong post so that you can gain access to the others. The objects were affected along with Eddie because their time stream could not be separated from his. The room was affected because its time stream could not be separated from some of the objects. However, the room could not be separated from its time stream while the objects were still present inside. This is where the "Tower of Hanoi" behavior occurs. The objects had to be removed from the room before its time stream could be separated from its surrounding environment. However, the objects would eventually have to return to the room.

The objects would have to circulate and be drawn together so that they could get back to the room. A problem arose: how to cause a large collection of inanimate objects to circulate and eventually return to their point of origin. The universe implemented a solution: make the objects interesting (give them seemingly magical powers) so that people would be drawn to them, and instill in the objects a tendency to attract obsessive personalities that would naturally be drawn together.

While out of the room, the objects would have to remain completely intact so that every atom within them would also return to the room. Consequently, the universe caused the objects to become indestructible. That way no part of them could be separated from the whole and the entire object would be returned to the room.

When the objects are all returned to the room, they will be collectively ejected from existence, and the universe will be righted.

Note: The Nielsen-Ninomiya theory does not claim that the universe always finds the most elegant solution. In fact, the theory suggests that the universe fishes around until it finds the first viable solution. For some reason, making the objects indestructible, giving them powers, causing them to circulate, causing certain types of persons to become obsessed with them, and causing them to seek the room in order to be ejected from existence was the first viable solution the universe stumbled upon.

Last edited by Spikosauropod, 1/5/2012, 8:25 pm
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Cattrina Profile
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Registered Collector

Registered: 11-2008
Location: Finland
Posts: 1450
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Re: Higgs Boson Production Theory


Professor Spike has found his flow again emoticon

Last edited by Cattrina, 1/5/2012, 12:38 pm


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The Prophet & Moderator

Registered: 06-2007
Posts: 5959
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Re: Higgs Boson Production Theory


This is basically a grounded variation of a theory I had a while back: The Cleister Anomaly

Some details of the Higgs Boson theory, such as why the objects have the specific properties they do and exactly how they acquired those properties, are covered in the Cleister Anomoly theory.
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